Battlefield

I wish I could be in your shoes, and feel pretty like you. I see myself in the mirror, and see every flaw, every unappealing trait of myself. And it's all because of you. I tried so many different ways, but it's all the same. And when I think I'm through, it's because of you. I used to look at myself, staring into my unbroken reflection, Thinking, "I feel pretty, so pretty and witty and bright" But now my insides are blue, and at the end of the day, I have myself to blame. I try to be who I'm not, try to be someone I'm not to make you happy. I've never been insecure before until I met you, and now I've been doing everything in my power to feel pretty for you tonight. And I pity any girl who will be in my shoes. And maybe getting rid of you will be the best, For me to find myself again. Now that I'm rid of you, i still feel the same. I used to feel so "cute" to me and I realize that I've been acting stupid, tryin...

" Once there was a boy.When the boy was six years old, his father gave him a falcon to train. Falcons are raptors-killing birds, his father told him, the Shadowhunters of the sky. The falcon didn't like the boy, and the boy didn't like it, either. It's sharp beak made him nervous, and it's bright eyes always seemed to be watching him. It would slash at him with beak and talons when he came near; for weeks his wrists and hands were always bleeding. He didn't know it, but his father had selected a falcon that had lived in the wild for over a year, and thus was nearly impossible to tame. But the boy tried, because his father had told him to make the falcon obedient, and he wanted to please his father. He stayed with the falcon constantly, keeping it awake by talking to it and even playing music to it, because a tired bird was meant to be easier to tame. He learned the equipment: the jesses, the hood, the brail, the leash that bound the bird to his wrist. He was...

"Forever. You and I, Renee. I promise" Jordon gripped her hand tightly in his, as if both their hands would meld together and become one. Renee smiled at him, batting her beautiful long lashes. He gazed at her, admiring every feature of her unforgettable face. Her icy blue eyes, her dark brown hair and most of all, her mesmerizing smile that takes his breath away. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed to forever & always. *** -2 months later- "Why can't you just LISTEN to me?" Renee screamed, tears splashing her face. Jordon gripped his head with his hands, just wanting to escape before he exploded with anger. He glared at her. "I am listening! I just don't understand why you have to leave?" He said calmly, trying to control his temper. "This is my dream. You know how important this is to me." Renee said desperately. She hastily wiped her face with the back of her hand. "I know, and I'm not telling you to not ...

Funny how things can change so easily, A sudden change in temperature, A cold shiver down your spine... But it's funny because it happens so suddenly, So quick, as someone had a remote and clicked fast-forward, Happy diminishes into anger, Laughter into frustrated tears. Things just keep turning for the worst, And I'm barely gripping on the edges to hold me up. Trying to push myself over onto solid ground, yet the gravity is pulling me under, I'm sweating blood and tears, But every inch forward, is ten meters backwards, And it's getting to the feeling that it's all too much. Friends turning their backs on ya, Parents just dont understand, Lovers showing their true colours... It's all too stressful, All you need is a release, And why not? Might as well kill myself, hah I got nothing to lose And nothing to live for. And it makes it that much easier to call it quits.

So it's been 5 days now. I think I'm doing alright. I would say the pain has subsided, but it could be just the drugs. Je ne sais pas maintenant. Anywhoo, I still can't eat solid food, So still stuck to liquids. It's a nightmare i tell ya. Man this blog is starting to become some kind of diary or journal entry, BUT I ASSURE YOU, After this healing is all done, I'll be sticking to fiction. No more life stories, just more imagination with new plots and characters. Reminds me...still gotta finish part 4. Hehe. Anyways, I lost 5 pounds. Bummer, and now I weigh at 102. I need sum ..."sexual heaaaling baby!"

So I'm not really in pain, There's still numbness on the right side of my face on my chin lip and gums, Let's hope that's only temporary =/ But man, I'm already losing pounds, living on just liquid. I hope I can eat soon, Feeling rather nauseous at night and when I wake up cuz im like starving. Hopefully I won't get ulcers. Im thankful for my big bro and his gf, for bringing me some food. Dont know what I'd do without them

So far it's been one of the worst days ever. Parents aren't home so moving around the house is more difficult. I think it's the lack of food. 3 days has gone by and I hardly ate anything and the stupid medicine is taking a toll on me. Even standing for like 2 mins makes me wanna faint, And go sit down before I puke. The swelling has increased and the pain, but in getting by. Ugh, I hope I don't get any infections. I rlly don't wanna go back to another operation. I NEED SOLID FOOD!

I'm so fed up with you and ur dumb lies. Talking behind my back. Saying shit, starting shit. What's up with u son? Only telling one side of the story, when nobody heard the other side of the story. Well lemme tell u the truth. I've had enough. Yeah I'm all drugged up on pills, but I know one thing for certain, Your dead in part 4.

So far I have not eaten any solid food. To be quite frank, I still can't feel my gums, and it hurts to chew. So hopefully by third day I can start eating something. Because drinking liquids isn't quite satisfying. On a happier note, the numbness on my chin and lower lip is slowly going away. Kinda hurts to touch my lip. And the swelling has definitely gone up. Oh well, I'm getting by, day by day.

Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming... Drowning in my imaginations, running wild and free... I feel like I'm flying, my arms moving like wings, So exciting and thrilling... At that moment when I'm soaring through the clouds, My heart thumping wildly in my chest, I hope my dreams never come to an end. And then, reality hits and I fall. I fall hard into the asphalt, My arms and legs cut and bleeding, Blood pouring out of my mouth. It hurts, yes it does. My heart slows down beat by beat. And I feel alone, so alone. No one by my side, everyone is so far...so distant. I start to feel like I'm dreaming again, And it doesn't hurt as much anymore... I feel excited, yet I can't seem to smile. I'm soaring through those clouds, Running wild and free, yet I feel no pounding in my chest. No beat, Nothing. Just one dead heart. I look around and I notice the sky filled with kids just like me. I never even noticed them before. Running wild and f...

I got a notion that says this doesn't feel right, Saying that I've been here before. I don't know what to think. My heart says to keep on trying, To hold on a little longer, My head says don't knock it, Youve been here before, Just let it go. Yet I find myself listening to the subtle rhymes, The rhythmic beats, Hopeing to find sumthing to give me a single clue whether I'm doing this right. But I still got this notion this doesn't feel right, And hell, I gotta tell you, How much it used to feel like all this weight was off my shoulders. Funny how things changed. Why does everything seem to change? Well I guess that's life right? Just gotta go through the days, Step by step, Beat by beat, And hope that when the shit happens and the explosion hits, I won't fall like toy soldiers.

Dear you, I can't sleep, I can't think, all I can do is feel. And what I feel, is possibly sadness, perhaps even rage. I feel like I'm losing my mind, between doing what's wrong or right. I can't do this myself, I told the world that this feeling is what I would never feel again, yet I'm feeling it right now. I can't tell if I'm awake or asleep but its dark. I'll turn the lights on and enlighten you. It hurts me to see you struggle, I wonder what you feel when you see me go through the same pain. Yet, I don't think you understand. I'm lying here, drowning in the cold black waters, praying for your presence. I get none. And when i feel like i should be surrounded by security and love, I feel alone. I don't think you realize how much you mean to me, a special bond that is irreplaceable. Do you feel the same? And times like these i feel like you've given up on yourself... Looking to me for some guidance like im your fucking mentor. But I...