The Truth is in a Cave

Lately my blogs have been nothing but personal reflections on what I wish and want to have and less about fantasies and stories. But every story that I write is a part of my life, a messy handwritten story about where my life is at and what I'm feeling. I will never feel like my life is ever perfect and to be quite frank, it is far from perfect. Yet how do we define perfect? Does perfection mean different things to every individual? What may be perfect to one person may not be to another, so how can we ever say that we wish our lives were perfect or look upon others and say that their life is perfect?
Truth is, we can't.
Again, all I can do is be honest about my life, in the hopes that if someone I don't know were to happen to fall upon this post and read it, maybe they would understand that there are people out there who have lives that are from what they wish it to be and that they are not alone.
Everyday I strive to be the best I can be. I try to think less selfishly, I try to give what I can to others to make them happy, I try my best to be compassionate and caring. Sometimes there are days where I feel like I'm giving too much and receiving nothing. Other times I feel like I'm barely giving anything at all to others and say to myself how selfish can I be? Then I realize that it's not about an instant change, its about the baby steps. Everyday, I try to change a little bit at a time to be the best I can be, to love and to cherish others, to be appreciative of what I have and don't and to believe that the world is not out to get me.
I want to cry and I want to laugh. I want to scream until I can't make a sound. I want to run free and let the wind blow through my hair and lift me into the sky. I want to disappear into nothing and be so content that I don't care what happens next. How desperate can I be?
I wish to love someone so deeply, that everyday there is excitement in seeing the person. I hope it never goes away. I want to love so unconditionally that with every obstacle and adversities, my love never falters because my love is strong, powerful and unbreakable. Even when my body feels shattered, my love is always so pure. I want to be one soul with two people, I want to share dreams.
Maybe I'm just being too sappy, but one day, I hope to feel that way about another. I have faith I will but with who? I guess the most exciting part about this world is the unknown. We will never know our true fate, we may not even believe in it. But we all have a book that already has an ending and although you may try so hard to make your own decisions and believe you're going the way you expect to go, it's already written for you and you will always end up at the endpoint. The endpoint of where your life from the beginning, from when you were born, was always suppose to end up in the ending that was always written for you. You may not believe in that stuff, but I feel like there is truth to that.
I'm beginning to realize how much I need to start focusing on me and my dreams and goals. To stop thinking about what others will feel and to focus only on today and me. I don't need to shut others out, but it's time to go after what I want and it is up to them to choose whether they stand by me or not. I should not be afraid, I should not feel guilty, I should not feel sadness for going after what I want. I should be happy.
As much as I try to tell myself this, it is so difficult to follow through. But like I said...it's all about the baby steps.
Follow my dreams...follow my dreams...and believe.
Believe in my dreams...believe in my dreams...and live.
Live and love...live and love...and be happy.
Be happy.
Be happy.
Be happy.

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