Cold is the Night

The moment when you start to feel like you are weak and feeble; when you feel like your world is conquerable.
The moment when you feel like you are giving up, and you can't bear no more.
That moment when your willpower ceases and you have no more free will.
What do you do in that moment when you believe that you are no longer in control?

The sky has never been so blue, the grass has never been so green and the sun has never shined so bright. Everything is blooming and here I feel like I am the only one that is diminishing.

Where do I go when there is no place in sight?
Where do I go when there is no paradise to run off to?
Where do I go when there is no one to go with?

I need to be strong for myself, and to show myself that I am in control. I am powerful and I always will be. I have had so many let downs that I've been trying extremely hard to not look towards the future...to not dream of what the future could bring to me because in the end, it may not even happen. Our dreams show our very own wishes and desires...desires so deep in our hearts that we are so afraid to share with others. I hope to share every one of my wishes and dreams with someone in the hopes that they will share theirs with me and maybe make us into one...to make us whole.

Sometimes you are going to have to let go. Believe me, it's not the easiest but how can life be easy? Life is always going to be trying to break you down until you take control of it. Life is always going to tear into you and rip you into pieces until you create a strong mindset to not let it hurt you. Put life in your hands and control it the way that you want it. Life will comply. You are in charge of your destiny, your fate, your everything.

But what about fate? Is that controllable? Or will it happen regardless of what we do, despite how hard we work to control life?

Well isn't life also about the unknown? We can never know everything about life and sometimes we wish we could have all the answers, but we can't. Sometimes I feel like I have to apologize to myself and to everyone around me that I can't be the best I can be. Sometimes I feel like I have to apologize because my mind is far from being on the right path.
The truth is, it's all over the place. I wish I could know everything and do everything possible to make everyone around me happy, even myself, but sometimes I can't do it. It kills me that I can't do it.

I try to believe that I'm always right, but realistically, I can be so so wrong...
And for that I am so sorry. 

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