You and I

Never has my heart felt as heavy as it does now as tears stream from my eyes and every moment when I think of you, I cannot but help feel my heart break.
It pains me to know that you are gone but reassures me to know that you died in your sleep with no pain.
I wanted to see you one last time, I wanted to hug you and be happy with the time I got to spend with you. I am so thankful I was able to visit when I was 15 but sometimes I believe it wasn't enough. I miss you dearly Lolo. I wish I could have seen you more often and remembered the memories I shared with you when I was younger...but the memory fades and that is what hurts the most.
Seeing that photo of you in that coffin, hurt me so much. You looked so pale, so peaceful and so happy, but I'm not happy. I wish I could have been there to see you one more time before you passed, but I know you are in good hands right now. I know you are looking down on me and I know you are proud of me.
My mom always told me how much you loved me and how fond you were of me and loved taking care of me. I remember being shy around you when I saw you and how you always talked to me when you saw me and reminisced about the memories you had of me, even if you repeated the same memory countless of times...it never bored me. I wish I talked to you more but I know there is a language barrier and it didn't work all the time but just know that I enjoyed the time I spent with you and that I love you dearly grandpa. I don't have to constantly see you everyday to feel close to you.
And now Lola is really sick and I'm afraid that I'm going to lose both of you so soon. I don't want to be without my grandparents.
It makes me want to cry and break down and wish that I could be with you guys. I'm sorry for not visiting as much as I could.
I love you both so much.
And I feel the pain my mom feels about losing her parents. I know that one day I will feel that pain.

Now I realize how precious life is and how you can never tell how much time you have. Always drop the things that are unimportant and focus on what is important cause one day, there will be no more time left.

Lolo and Lola, I love you

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