Words with no meaning

My hands curl up, gripping the bedsheets closer to my body. My stomach feels empty and I bite back the words that are creeping out of my mouth.
After the accusation he made about me being with someone else behind his back, I couldn't shake off the negative feels that were crawling up my back. I laid next to him, body slightly touching his. My hands curled up by my chest and I laid there watching the movie on the computer screen.
I can see his eyes gaze at me a couple times, probably noticing my closed composure. It took me weeks to not fold my arms to my chest and finally open up to him. Every now and then, it's hard for me to open up and feel completely comfortable around him.
But I'm getting there, but tonight I was back to square one.
My body was still and as he made commentary during the movie, I could only reply in small answers because I couldn't recognize my own voice. It sounded uncertain, nervous..even sad. And every time he glanced at me when I spoke, I could tell he could sense it. His blue eyes would waver on mine for a couple seconds longer than necessary but I would look away before I felt like he was looking deeper, into the darkest parts of me.
I laid in that composure for a little while. I wanted to touch his hand and hold it but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And apparently he must have been feeling the same thing, because his hand grabbed mine into his and he looked at me as i looked at him. I gave him a smile.
His hand caressed mine, massaging, kneading, holding...
I could never understand him. I felt different. I wasn't sure if he was doing this just to show me that I am his. To show his possessive nature, his jealousy that was gnawing at him.
We started off as friends with no emotional connection, yet there he is, holding my hand, feeling jealous. Does that not say emotional connection?
In this situation, I have no idea what to do. My mind tells me to end it because it's not what I want and it's not what he wanted in the beginning. But my heart says to hold him close cause he's the best thing that has happened to me in a while.
In the end, the heart always wins.
He touches my face, and gives me a kiss...
And I kiss him back wondering what it means..

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