Guilty Conscience
"Ma! What are you doing? Can you please not just show up in here like that? I got a guest over Ma..." Marshall said, slightly irritated. He stood up quickly and walked over towards his mother.
She stood by the doorway of his room, smoking a cigarette, holding a bottle of anti-depressant pills. Her hair, a dirty blond, messy and curly, and her makeup smudged from last night's sleep.
She gave Marshall a disapproved look.
"Come on baby, you don't need to be embarassed. I'm your mother, I've got nothing to be ashamed of." She laughed at the end, tapping her cigaratte.
I looked at her and smiled, holding back a cough. I never liked the smell of cigaratte but I didn't want her knowing it bothered me, especially Marshall.
She looked over towards me and smiled. I noticed her teeth were yellowing near the edges.
"Why hello there! Aren't you a pretty lady? Are you Marshall's girlfriend?"
Before I could speak, Marshall moved over to his mother quickly and started to push her out the door.
"Ma...Stop! Just leave, please Ma." Marshall said, exasperated. He tugged on her dirty gray robe, but she pushed him back and tried to enter the room.
"Stop it Marshall. I'm trying to be a mother and meet your girlfriend!" She dropped the cigar on the ground, and stepped on it, marking the carpet with black ashes.
"Since when have you ever been a mother to me. I don't need you start now." He said quietly, trying to lower his voice.
His mother looked at him in shock. "I have always been a mother to you! If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have a place to sleep, and nothing to eat! I have taken care of you since you were a baby!" She yelled.
I sat there, not saying a word, watching while Marshall grew even more agitated.
"Alright Ma, I'm sorry. Just please leave Ma, we got a guest.."
"Oh wow Marshall, look at those manners." She said mockingly. She turned to acknowlege me and said, "You know he never treats anybody like this, except for when he brings girls home. Tries to act like a good boy, but when they leave, he is a complete nightmare..throwing temper tantrums, throwing beer bottles around the house. See those dents in the wall? Those are from him punching the walls in anger..."
I looked at her, not knowing what to say. I turned to look at Marshall and saw him slam his fist against the desk. We both jumped at the noise and saw Marshall, his face red in anger, almost in tears.
"Goddamnit Ma!" He swiftly walked out the room.
His mother followed him out the door, tripping slightly. It was then I realized she was drunk. I smoothed out blanket I was sitting on, nervously, hearing them argue. I picked my bag up, and hung it around my shoulders. I heard the door slam shut. Thinking it was Marshall leaving, I quickly started to head out the room and almost bumped into Marshall. He looked at me, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears. His mouth was in a thin line, and his hands in his pockets of his grey baggy sweats.
"Hey...Sorry bout that Jamie..oh. Where you going?" He said lightly, trying to keep a light tone in his voice.
"Oh, I thought you left...I was thinking, maybe I should go. I don't want to get in between you and your mother.." I said, smiling gently.
"Nahh, its aight. Don't worry bout it. She left for a bit. Sorry, she's just a little drunk from last night. You don't have to go, you can stay if you want." He walked past me and sat down on his bed, and looked out the window.
I dropped my bag by the door and smiled at him as he looked over at me. "No, its ok. I want to stay. Were here to do some homework right?"
He half-smiled and got out his books.
A few hours passed, and we were finally finishing up the last bit of our homework. I looked over at Marshall to see how much he's got done. I moved closer towards him and he looked up.
"So how are you doing? Need any help?" I asked, peering over at his work.
He moved the papers a little away from me and smirked embarassingly.
"Yeahh, I got some stuff done..."
I smiled and pulled his work towards me. "Let me see Marshall. Dont be embarassed."
I looked over what he got done, and laughed.
He grabbed the paper slightly annoyed. "Whatever Jamie.."
I laughed again. "Come on Marsh, I was just joking. It all looks correct. Good job"
I nudged him on the arm playfully. He smiled, and reached to give me a noogie
I jumped up quickly and tried moving away, while his hand brushed my hair. He tried to grab me while i pushed him away, laughing histerically.
"DONT!" I screamed, and pushed him, while his arms wrapped around my waist. He laughed and let me go.
"You suck Marshall." I smiled, fixing my messed up hair.
"It looks good Jamie" He said, sitting back on the bed. I quickly checked the mirror, fixing a few my black strands away from my face.
I sat next to him, leaning against a soft pillow.
"Hey, you ok?" I lowered my head down so that I was leveled with his. His blue eyes looked up at me, and it was like I could see into his very own soul. All his troubles and worries and anger he has been through his whole life.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He said in a monotone voice.
I reached to touch his shoulder. He looked at my hand, as if nobody has ever touched him like that before.
"I'm here if you need to talk." I smiled encouragingly. He bowed his head, nodding, but remained silent. I sat there for a few minutes, not expecting him to say anything if he didn't want to.
He broke the silence with a cough and started to speak. "You know, my mom wasn't like this when she was younger. She used to be normal. I saw pictures of her when she was a teenager...ya know? And she was happy, she looked healthy. But when she married my father, and he left us, I was just a child. A fucking baby. And then my mom, she got boyfriends, started drinking, doing drugs, overdosing on pills in the kitchen. Even gave me a few to shut me up. What kind of mother does that to her child ya kno?"
I didn't say a word.
He reached up, scratching his head. "Then, she lost her job, and now were living in dis fucked up trailer. Sometimes all we got in the fridge, is expired. We still eat it anyways, hoping we dont get sick from that shit. I try to help as much I can, but I got school. I'm thinking of dropping out ya kno? But I dunno. It hard. Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror, and I hate myself. I hate the way I look, baggy sweats, baggy hoodies. I look at all those pills in the cabinet and I think to myself...just one too many, and im outta here..."
"Marshall.." I began.
"But nah, because I aint gonna be like her. Because I'm going to have kids oneday, and I'm going to show her what a real parent is suppose to be like. Imma show her, that I'll be a better parent than she ever was or ever will be. Imma show her..Jamie, imma show her." His voice cracked, tears sliding down his face.
I reached towards him automatically, and hugged him tightly, cradeling his face in my arms. He sobbed quietly, hugging me back. He slowly turned his head, and wiped his tears away on his sleeve. He cleared his throat, going back to his normal controlled self.
"Sorry.."
I smiled. "Don't be sorry Marshall. Don't ever be sorry. Your a great person. If your mom doesn't see that, then she's blind. She really is."
His jaw clenched tightly and he nodded abruptly.
I slowly reached for his face, wiping a tear that was escaping the corner of his eyes. He looked at me while I wiped it away.
We stared at each other for a few moments, and before I knew it, his lips were touching mine.
So soft, so warm.
Just perfect.
It felt like forever, until our lips finally parted. I smiled at him, and watched while the corners of his mouth pulled into a grin. I leaned forward to kiss him again until a voice stopped me.
"Well..well...well.." A deep voice said by the doorway. "Wow Rabbit, looks like you got a girlfriend huh? Now isn't that adowable!" He hopped, imitating a bunny rabbit.
Marshall stood up quickly, his hands clenched in his fists at his side. I stood up slowly and grabbed Marshall's hand. His hand loosened slightly.
"What do u want Ronnie?" Marshall said in a tight voice.
Ronnie took a swig of his beer, and burped loudly. "Nothing much Rabbit. Thought your mum was here, I was hoping for a good fuck tonight." He laughed loudly, swaying sightly.
"You son of a bitch." Marshall tried to run at him, but I grabbed his arm tightly.
"No!" I whispered, afraid.
Marshall breathed heavily in anger but stayed where he was.
"Nu-uh there boy." Ronnie lifted up his shirt, exposing a small handgun in his jeans.
Marshall tensed, and moved slightly, hiding me behind him. Ronnie took the gun out, aiming it around. He laughed, moving around drunk.
"Glad your mother is not home. Or she would of freaked if she saw me with this in her house. But she's not here. Which makes it even better doesn't it rabbit? Because I do whatever I want and you can't do shit this time. Your mother is not here to protect you now is she..Marrshalllll" He said, his voice slurred. A noise outside the trailer distracted him and as he turned his head towards the noice, Marshall ran towards him slamming him to the ground. I screamed in surprise, while Marshall smashed his fist into Ronnie's face. Ronnie, who was still holding the beer bottle in his hand, pushed Marshall off him.
"You little shit.." He spat. He grabbed the bottle tightly, aiming it right for Marshalls head. I ran quickly and tried to grab the bottle from him. Ronnie turned around and shoved me off. I fell on the ground hard, while I heard Marshall yell my name. He pushed Ronnie and kicked him until he was on the ground. Marshall ran to my side.
"Jamie! Are you alright?" He helped me to my feet, caressing my face. Ronnie moved slightly.
"Lets get out of here Marshall..please!" I said frantically. He nodded, grabbing our bags and quickly pushed me out the door. Ronnie stumbled towards us, the handgun now in his hand. He screamed profanities pointing the gun at Marshall. Marshall turned around pushing me behind him, blocking me from view.
I tried to push him out of the way.
Ronnie smirked slightly, his finger pulling against the trigger.
The gun shot resonated loud in my ears, I pushed myself infront of Marshall with all my strength.
"No! Jamie!"
Everything went black.
She stood by the doorway of his room, smoking a cigarette, holding a bottle of anti-depressant pills. Her hair, a dirty blond, messy and curly, and her makeup smudged from last night's sleep.
She gave Marshall a disapproved look.
"Come on baby, you don't need to be embarassed. I'm your mother, I've got nothing to be ashamed of." She laughed at the end, tapping her cigaratte.
I looked at her and smiled, holding back a cough. I never liked the smell of cigaratte but I didn't want her knowing it bothered me, especially Marshall.
She looked over towards me and smiled. I noticed her teeth were yellowing near the edges.
"Why hello there! Aren't you a pretty lady? Are you Marshall's girlfriend?"
Before I could speak, Marshall moved over to his mother quickly and started to push her out the door.
"Ma...Stop! Just leave, please Ma." Marshall said, exasperated. He tugged on her dirty gray robe, but she pushed him back and tried to enter the room.
"Stop it Marshall. I'm trying to be a mother and meet your girlfriend!" She dropped the cigar on the ground, and stepped on it, marking the carpet with black ashes.
"Since when have you ever been a mother to me. I don't need you start now." He said quietly, trying to lower his voice.
His mother looked at him in shock. "I have always been a mother to you! If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have a place to sleep, and nothing to eat! I have taken care of you since you were a baby!" She yelled.
I sat there, not saying a word, watching while Marshall grew even more agitated.
"Alright Ma, I'm sorry. Just please leave Ma, we got a guest.."
"Oh wow Marshall, look at those manners." She said mockingly. She turned to acknowlege me and said, "You know he never treats anybody like this, except for when he brings girls home. Tries to act like a good boy, but when they leave, he is a complete nightmare..throwing temper tantrums, throwing beer bottles around the house. See those dents in the wall? Those are from him punching the walls in anger..."
I looked at her, not knowing what to say. I turned to look at Marshall and saw him slam his fist against the desk. We both jumped at the noise and saw Marshall, his face red in anger, almost in tears.
"Goddamnit Ma!" He swiftly walked out the room.
His mother followed him out the door, tripping slightly. It was then I realized she was drunk. I smoothed out blanket I was sitting on, nervously, hearing them argue. I picked my bag up, and hung it around my shoulders. I heard the door slam shut. Thinking it was Marshall leaving, I quickly started to head out the room and almost bumped into Marshall. He looked at me, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears. His mouth was in a thin line, and his hands in his pockets of his grey baggy sweats.
"Hey...Sorry bout that Jamie..oh. Where you going?" He said lightly, trying to keep a light tone in his voice.
"Oh, I thought you left...I was thinking, maybe I should go. I don't want to get in between you and your mother.." I said, smiling gently.
"Nahh, its aight. Don't worry bout it. She left for a bit. Sorry, she's just a little drunk from last night. You don't have to go, you can stay if you want." He walked past me and sat down on his bed, and looked out the window.
I dropped my bag by the door and smiled at him as he looked over at me. "No, its ok. I want to stay. Were here to do some homework right?"
He half-smiled and got out his books.
A few hours passed, and we were finally finishing up the last bit of our homework. I looked over at Marshall to see how much he's got done. I moved closer towards him and he looked up.
"So how are you doing? Need any help?" I asked, peering over at his work.
He moved the papers a little away from me and smirked embarassingly.
"Yeahh, I got some stuff done..."
I smiled and pulled his work towards me. "Let me see Marshall. Dont be embarassed."
I looked over what he got done, and laughed.
He grabbed the paper slightly annoyed. "Whatever Jamie.."
I laughed again. "Come on Marsh, I was just joking. It all looks correct. Good job"
I nudged him on the arm playfully. He smiled, and reached to give me a noogie
I jumped up quickly and tried moving away, while his hand brushed my hair. He tried to grab me while i pushed him away, laughing histerically.
"DONT!" I screamed, and pushed him, while his arms wrapped around my waist. He laughed and let me go.
"You suck Marshall." I smiled, fixing my messed up hair.
"It looks good Jamie" He said, sitting back on the bed. I quickly checked the mirror, fixing a few my black strands away from my face.
I sat next to him, leaning against a soft pillow.
"Hey, you ok?" I lowered my head down so that I was leveled with his. His blue eyes looked up at me, and it was like I could see into his very own soul. All his troubles and worries and anger he has been through his whole life.
"Yeah, I'm fine." He said in a monotone voice.
I reached to touch his shoulder. He looked at my hand, as if nobody has ever touched him like that before.
"I'm here if you need to talk." I smiled encouragingly. He bowed his head, nodding, but remained silent. I sat there for a few minutes, not expecting him to say anything if he didn't want to.
He broke the silence with a cough and started to speak. "You know, my mom wasn't like this when she was younger. She used to be normal. I saw pictures of her when she was a teenager...ya know? And she was happy, she looked healthy. But when she married my father, and he left us, I was just a child. A fucking baby. And then my mom, she got boyfriends, started drinking, doing drugs, overdosing on pills in the kitchen. Even gave me a few to shut me up. What kind of mother does that to her child ya kno?"
I didn't say a word.
He reached up, scratching his head. "Then, she lost her job, and now were living in dis fucked up trailer. Sometimes all we got in the fridge, is expired. We still eat it anyways, hoping we dont get sick from that shit. I try to help as much I can, but I got school. I'm thinking of dropping out ya kno? But I dunno. It hard. Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror, and I hate myself. I hate the way I look, baggy sweats, baggy hoodies. I look at all those pills in the cabinet and I think to myself...just one too many, and im outta here..."
"Marshall.." I began.
"But nah, because I aint gonna be like her. Because I'm going to have kids oneday, and I'm going to show her what a real parent is suppose to be like. Imma show her, that I'll be a better parent than she ever was or ever will be. Imma show her..Jamie, imma show her." His voice cracked, tears sliding down his face.
I reached towards him automatically, and hugged him tightly, cradeling his face in my arms. He sobbed quietly, hugging me back. He slowly turned his head, and wiped his tears away on his sleeve. He cleared his throat, going back to his normal controlled self.
"Sorry.."
I smiled. "Don't be sorry Marshall. Don't ever be sorry. Your a great person. If your mom doesn't see that, then she's blind. She really is."
His jaw clenched tightly and he nodded abruptly.
I slowly reached for his face, wiping a tear that was escaping the corner of his eyes. He looked at me while I wiped it away.
We stared at each other for a few moments, and before I knew it, his lips were touching mine.
So soft, so warm.
Just perfect.
It felt like forever, until our lips finally parted. I smiled at him, and watched while the corners of his mouth pulled into a grin. I leaned forward to kiss him again until a voice stopped me.
"Well..well...well.." A deep voice said by the doorway. "Wow Rabbit, looks like you got a girlfriend huh? Now isn't that adowable!" He hopped, imitating a bunny rabbit.
Marshall stood up quickly, his hands clenched in his fists at his side. I stood up slowly and grabbed Marshall's hand. His hand loosened slightly.
"What do u want Ronnie?" Marshall said in a tight voice.
Ronnie took a swig of his beer, and burped loudly. "Nothing much Rabbit. Thought your mum was here, I was hoping for a good fuck tonight." He laughed loudly, swaying sightly.
"You son of a bitch." Marshall tried to run at him, but I grabbed his arm tightly.
"No!" I whispered, afraid.
Marshall breathed heavily in anger but stayed where he was.
"Nu-uh there boy." Ronnie lifted up his shirt, exposing a small handgun in his jeans.
Marshall tensed, and moved slightly, hiding me behind him. Ronnie took the gun out, aiming it around. He laughed, moving around drunk.
"Glad your mother is not home. Or she would of freaked if she saw me with this in her house. But she's not here. Which makes it even better doesn't it rabbit? Because I do whatever I want and you can't do shit this time. Your mother is not here to protect you now is she..Marrshalllll" He said, his voice slurred. A noise outside the trailer distracted him and as he turned his head towards the noice, Marshall ran towards him slamming him to the ground. I screamed in surprise, while Marshall smashed his fist into Ronnie's face. Ronnie, who was still holding the beer bottle in his hand, pushed Marshall off him.
"You little shit.." He spat. He grabbed the bottle tightly, aiming it right for Marshalls head. I ran quickly and tried to grab the bottle from him. Ronnie turned around and shoved me off. I fell on the ground hard, while I heard Marshall yell my name. He pushed Ronnie and kicked him until he was on the ground. Marshall ran to my side.
"Jamie! Are you alright?" He helped me to my feet, caressing my face. Ronnie moved slightly.
"Lets get out of here Marshall..please!" I said frantically. He nodded, grabbing our bags and quickly pushed me out the door. Ronnie stumbled towards us, the handgun now in his hand. He screamed profanities pointing the gun at Marshall. Marshall turned around pushing me behind him, blocking me from view.
I tried to push him out of the way.
Ronnie smirked slightly, his finger pulling against the trigger.
The gun shot resonated loud in my ears, I pushed myself infront of Marshall with all my strength.
"No! Jamie!"
Everything went black.
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