Things we can't say

Times like these the world turns upside down and words can't explain what they are suppose to explain. At times I have nothing say, no words to express my innermost deepest feelings and instead I feel alone, annoyed and upset. Sometimes I just want to scream and let it all go. Sometimes I just want to sigh away all the heaviness that is weighing down on my chest. But sometimes we can't get what we always want.
I always notice how people can't seem to say the things they want to say, things that need to be said. We shrug them off and let it go, when we really shouldn't. Words are always left unspoken and then before we know it, it's too late and the damage is done. There is nothing more to say.
It frustrates me...and it frustrates me even more to know that even I do it myself.
I try so hard to please everyone and then realize I'm not pleasing myself. Sometimes I try to so hard to give people what they want, and then realize that I don't even know what I really want. At times I try so hard to make everyone happy and then realize that I'm not happy.
What more can I do to help myself?
By helping others? By making others happy? By doing everything in my nature to give everything to everybody and nothing for myself? Or does that make me selfish to start wanting things in my life and wanting to be happy and getting everything I need. I don't want to be selfish, but sometimes I feel like I give too much and don't receive much in return.
I don't even know where all this is coming from.
I think I'm just tired. I just want to be proud of myself and what I achieve and not let anything get in the way and sometimes I get so anxious that it could happen and that I'm making wrong decisions and other times I feel I'm on top of the world and I feel like I have a great life and accomplishing so much.
Maybe it's just a bad day for me.
Or maybe feeling like this is just myself trying to tell myself to start thinking about what I really want and what I should start feeling.
I'm just really tired..I need a break from everything.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Black Bullets

All the streetlamps she follows home, Darkness surrounds her in black smoke. Every step echoes like a whispering dome, Followed by a shadow of a cloak. Empty bottles lay broken on the street, And among the dark, angry clouds, Blood stained by a crow's feet, They whisper their avows. The cold wind blows right through her bones, Opening the gates, she follows through Bending down low, she stares at the clones, That are displayed for world view. Red tears stain the broken graves, Phone rings, and a rush of crows flew, Beyond the dirt lay hundreds of slaves, Drowned in a dark blue. But mercy becomes just a game, No longer played for fun, Pins and needles used for shame, The crows are shot with guns.
Read more

No More Second Chances...

Thump, Thump, Thump... Her foot smacked against the hard, dirty concrete and a moan interrupted the dead silence of the cold night. But she kept on walking, oblivious to the searing pain in her foot. Thump, Thump, Thump...mhpm... Again, a cry of pain echoed in the silence but she still didn't stop walking. She shrugged and tossed her dark brown hair behind her back and walked in a fast pace. Her foot smashed against concrete and the poor toes squished together in the tight space. Unfortunately for her right foot, six painful toes smashed together unpleasantly and a tearful cry escaped the extra toe. Hideous as it may be, the other toes gave it enough room to breathe. Still, the skin scraped against the inside of the shoe and the extra toe could feel its skin rip slowly. Blood smeared agasint the shoe and she cried out painfully. "Make the pain stop!! argaosidfl!" The extra cried out desperately, but the girl was so oblivious, that she didn't hear anything except a wei...
Read more

Just words on a page..

Let the breath leave my body as I exhale sorrow, pain, loss and heartbreak. Let fresh air fill my lungs as I inhale beauty, love and happiness. My body shakes at the thought of holding on to pure love and beauty, in the hope that when I spill my heart out to another soul and give everything I can offer, I will at least get the same in return. Perhaps when the stars align for me, a voice will whisper in my ear, with such gentleness and affection, the love will wash over me in warm soft caresses on my skin and I will hear what I always deserved to hear. No more meaningless words on a page, this time I deserve something special. No more of just a single rose, but rather a bouquet of every flower existed.  Perhaps in another world, good things will come to me. I used to desire you so bad, I used to yearn for your touch every night, wishing, hoping, dreaming about when those lips will be mine. Well the dream has come true and yet something is missing. This whole time I believed...
Read more